Can't help but think about you again.

The silent treatment seems to be over.
I wonder................

new friends

It's funny how quickly things change. In a matter of weeks, I know a completely new set of people. I'm hanging out and making plans with people who are almost strangers. It's refreshing to have new people in my life.

they want me

i don't want them

mpa

so fucking satisfying

i have such an active love life & yet i don't care for love.
my heart doesn't skip a beat
i don't smile to myself
my mind doesn't wander to far off times
i'm numb.

privacy

i wish everyone would go away so that i could get it out of me

shut upppppp

everytime i look at you, you're fucking lip is quivering
can you do literally anything and not cry about it? because it's the most annoying thing in the fucking world that you can't handle anything like an adult.

seriously shut up & fuck off

You can still change your mind.

In my deepest, darkest of hearts, I know I'm not over you.
You were everything I am looking for...
You just weren't looking for me back.

Fuck right off

I'm tired of your negativity
Shut the fuck up
You're annoying and rude

appearances

darling i'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

addicting

i've had a taste of success

before/after

nauseous
pained
fat
gross
disgusting
bulges
rolls
dough
protruding
lumpy
chunky
self-hate

fat
fat
fat

i wish they'd leave so i could get it all out

you're all liars

i don't trust anyone

you don't make friends with secrets (luckily i want to be alone)

i know i'm on a dangerous path
my thought process isn't healthy
nobody knows how bad it is.
and yet, it's comforting
it's mine. in a world where everyone thinks they know me,
i get a sick pleasure from hiding this;
a thrill when it progresses.
how far can i take this?
maybe i'll actually finish what i start for once.
maybe i'll actually reach a goal i've set for myself.

talk talk talk

can't you see that i'm not listening?
that there's more to me than this?
that you're advice does not mean anything?
that i too can see it how it is?

your words are uninvited
your ideas can just leave
i don't care for your thoughts on me
i'm not as stupid as i seem.

blissfully unaware of my own feelings

i think i'm just tired of it.
searching &
hoping &
dreaming &
wondering &
analyzing &
doubting &
crying &
getting my heart broken.
i've been holding this feeling,
cradling it,
looking at it,
not quite sure what it was.
but i know now.
it's the absence of feeling itself.
i don't care about love anymore.
maybe one day it'll spark again...
but for now, i don't care.
i have animals and myself and the entire earth to love.

i don't care what you think when there is nothing to think about.

why does everything have to be something?
why can't friends be friends and flirting be flirting and nothing be nothing?
why does pointless require analysis?
harmless fun does not require opinion
or negativity
or input
i don't care what you think
i don't need your advice
let this be something and nothing and whatever i decide.