Sunday, January 31, 2016

how long until i'm ok again?

every time i see you
i get sad
anxious
embarrassed
nervous

when will the joy come back?

Saturday, January 30, 2016

painful mementos

sitting here in the living room we built together
staring at everything that was supposed to make me smile

those roses lost their beauty
those earrings won't be worn
those pictures seem too happy
that book just breaks my heart
those dates celebrate the worst day of our love

i don't know how to feel that warmth i used to feel
when i could feel the love in our house in every breath
when thinking of you made my day
when my whole life seemed to glow
when i knew that you loved me with all my heart

i want everything to go back to how it used to be
when i was enough and i never doubted our forever

why did you have to go and break my heart :(
you were supposed to be the only person who never would hurt me
you had every ounce of my trust and i never thought you were anything less than perfect
i can feel that my walls are back up to where they used to be
and i don't know if you love me enough to try to take them down.

Friday, January 29, 2016

leaving

you wanted to leave
and i don't believe it when you say
that you'd thought it would work anyway.

you were willing to let me go
until you realized what my going meant
'til you realized that i would leave you
before you could leave me.

you say you didn't mean it
but i know that you lied
because the way i thought you loved me
you would have never even tried.

i don't trust you to love me
but i'll buy your lies
'cause i can't let you go now
and i wouldn't last those miles.

                   ---

i can feel it on the clock now
our countdown has begun
until i'm not enough again
and you decide to run.

you say you want forever
you say there's no goodbye
but i can feel that hint of doubt
that hides behind your eyes

you say that you weren't thinking
but you can't undo those steps you made
one day you'll wake up tangled in me
and wish you hadn't stayed.

i can only hope i'll be stronger then.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

need you

i miss you every time you leave me,
for a minute
or for a day
either way, there's no change
in how deeply i miss you

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Happy little moments

"our kids are never wearing snowsuits this expensive"

It's the little things that you let slip that make me love you even more ❤️

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

To be

I want to marry you 
I want to wake up with you every day 
I want to buy a house together and plant a garden 
I want my family to be your family 
I want everything I do to be with you 
I want kiddies 
I want dogs 
I want to take on the world with you 
I want to walk down the aisle and see you at the end 
I think about our marriage all the time 
About how excited I'll be when you propose 
When I can call you my fiancĂ© 
When you see me in a white dress 
You'll look so handsome 
And I'll be your princess
I love you so much that all the things I used to think we're lame now just seem like a fun time 
I love you so much codybear I want you forever 

I miss you

I meet each moment with a throb 
Of longing in my chest 
Each second I'm away from you 
My heart gets more depressed 

Every mile cuts me like a knife 
Every breath drags on too long 
Counting down to every sunset 
Waking up alone at dawn 

I love you so much baby
You're my light, my life, my heart 
I've never felt a hurt like when 
We're forced to be apart