Sunday, September 28, 2014

going away

i'm not losing myself this time around
i'm taking the time i need to remember who i am

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

I'm done

My heart has been completely depleted
There is just nothing left
I'm done trying
I'm done looking
I'm not enough and I'll live every second of every day with that knowledge
There is no one out there that will fall in love with me just because I'm me
I can trick them with lies and games
But just being me is not good enough
I want to retreat back into myself
I tried being open and it got me no where
It just confirmed that I'm not good enough even more
I literally hate myself
And when I look at my body, I understand why I'm not worth the effort
I'm hideous and fat and disgusting
And if my body doesn't scare them away
Then my personality certainly will
Fuck I just hate myself so much
So so so much
I wish I was literally anyone else
I wish my stomach was flatter and my legs were twigs and my arms were slender and bony
I wish I wasn't to annoying
I wish someone could fall in love with me
But they won't and I'll never be who I want to be
So I'm done hoping.
Maybe they'll love me when I'm skinny

Hopeless dreaming

I wish he would fight for me because I don't want to leave but I can't stay without a reason.
I hate looking down at my body and believing so deeply and so truly that I really am not worth it
it's funny how you want me now