Wednesday, May 13, 2015

End in sight

I can see the end now
It's written in my tears

You're selfish and I'm nothing
But an ego boost for you
I don't believe you love me
You just love what I do

And me, I've lost control now
I've gone crazy for your heart
I want attention, at any cost
And without it I am lost

I lash out and I get angry
Because I want to see you feel
But you don't say what I need to hear
And so I pretend it wasn't real

I know you don't really love me
That you can't decide if I do
If you can't make up your mind
I'll be leaving soon


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Please.

Please, PLEASE be as dedicated to making this work as I am.

I know you love me. I know you do. But not on the same level that I love you. You love me for selfish reasons, for the things I do for you or make you feel. I love you for reasons that would still exist no matter what our relationship is. My love wouldn't stop if you stopped loving me back. I know yours would.

I am terrified of you forgetting that you love me this summer.

I will be gone a lot. I don't know if you have thought about what that really means. I will be a name in your phone inbox a majority of the time. Is your love strong enough to put a hundred memories behind my name? To remember why you love me? Will you get lonely and start talking to Morgan more? Will she become who you text when you're bored? And then who you text when you wake up? Or go to bed? Will she take you from me? I am absolutely devastated just imagining it.

I don't know if you truly know your feelings. I know mine: I want to be with you with every beating of my heart. I want us to last. I wish I could look into your mind and see where you stand.

I am starting to freak out about us. I don't want to live without you. But I don't want to be unwanted and trapped again. I am putting my guard back up. I can't live so exposed.

lonely, jealous & insecure

i know you think you love me,
and on some level, i'm sure you do.
but it doesn't burn you up inside,
not like how i love you.

when i see how you don't need me,
while i've yet to catch my breath,
i can feel my heartbeat fading,
as it sinks lower in my chest.

and then i think about her.
and my vision clouds with doubt.
maybe one day you'll get lonely,
and i won't be around.

what if while i was missing you,
thinking you didn't have the time,
you were busy texting her,
and she was stealing what was mine?

i refuse to live in loneliness.
not again, not like before.
i'm tired of being jealous,
sick of feeling insecure.

because, whether you're gone a minute,
or an hour,
or a day,
i miss you every second,
and just wished you felt that way.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Not even sad

All that time
And I was blind
Gone without a trace
Another mistake

Friday, March 6, 2015

12 3 6

I'm back to midnight nightmares
And needles set at three
Waking up not knowing
What's happening to me

Each blink I see their faces
Hear their voices, see their lights
Coming to my rescue
In the middle of the night

I'm back to that uncertainty
That torturous unknowing
If today will be the day
That I'll finally be going

And so I'll lie there
Wide awake
My breathing ever slow
Waiting for the moment when
I fall asleep and then go low