Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Happy little moments

"our kids are never wearing snowsuits this expensive"

It's the little things that you let slip that make me love you even more ❤️

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

To be

I want to marry you 
I want to wake up with you every day 
I want to buy a house together and plant a garden 
I want my family to be your family 
I want everything I do to be with you 
I want kiddies 
I want dogs 
I want to take on the world with you 
I want to walk down the aisle and see you at the end 
I think about our marriage all the time 
About how excited I'll be when you propose 
When I can call you my fiancĂ© 
When you see me in a white dress 
You'll look so handsome 
And I'll be your princess
I love you so much that all the things I used to think we're lame now just seem like a fun time 
I love you so much codybear I want you forever 

I miss you

I meet each moment with a throb 
Of longing in my chest 
Each second I'm away from you 
My heart gets more depressed 

Every mile cuts me like a knife 
Every breath drags on too long 
Counting down to every sunset 
Waking up alone at dawn 

I love you so much baby
You're my light, my life, my heart 
I've never felt a hurt like when 
We're forced to be apart 

Sunday, August 23, 2015

i've met my true love

there was a time when i was lonely
i was guarded, i was sad

& then i met you

there was a time when i felt nothing
i was careless, i was numb

& then i met you

an empty heart once filled my chest,
despondent, purely blue 
wishing for someone to love
& then i met you 

the first time that you touched me 
it was just like movies said;
something changed inside of me 
as all of you rushed to my head 

i could say it felt like magic, 
i could say it felt like fate, 
and in fact, it felt like everything 
you'd feel with your soulmate 

i love you more than anything
you're the water in my rain
the meaning of my smile
and the coals beneath my flame 

i've been dreaming of our future
conjuring pictures in my mind
of front porch swings and wedding rings 
of your heart faded into mine 

i've met my true love 
i am his and he is mine 

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Thursday, May 28, 2015

how i will be a better partner

  • be honest about my feelings
  • do not apologize for being hurt or making him feed bad about a valid issue you have
  • communicate with the intent to solve the problem together instead of to make him feel as bad as i do 
  • understand and accept flaws
  • chose not to be petty 
  • do not demand to be first priority, i am not in a position to have that expectation 
  • make fair judgments
  • chose a loving response over a confrontational one 
  • forgive unintentional hurt feelings without announcing it 
  • accept that i desire an unreasonable amount of love and attention and appreciate how much i get already
  • do not resent that i am not his entire world 
  • do not be jealous where no reason exists 
  • stop doubting his love and intentions; he isn't like the others 
  • trust that he means what he says 
  • love him with all of my heart and do not forget to show it 
  • try my best to be a kind, loving, reassuring and stable person always 
  • be the partner that i want and lead by example  

tomorrow and forever

It's overwhelming how I love you
How I always crave your touch
I didn't know I had it in me
To want a person quite this much

I can't imagine another love
There is no one after you
It may be early but I am sure
I'll never do better than you

I want to wake up tangled in your arms 
See your smile every day
Sleep together in a bed we've made 
Until we're old and grey

This is going to work.

I know it will.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015


Please, PLEASE be as dedicated to making this work as I am.

I know you love me. I know you do. But not on the same level that I love you. You love me for selfish reasons, for the things I do for you or make you feel. I love you for reasons that would still exist no matter what our relationship is. My love wouldn't stop if you stopped loving me back. I know yours would.

I am terrified of you forgetting that you love me this summer.

I will be gone a lot. I don't know if you have thought about what that really means. I will be a name in your phone inbox a majority of the time. Is your love strong enough to put a hundred memories behind my name? To remember why you love me? Will you get lonely and start talking to Morgan more? Will she become who you text when you're bored? And then who you text when you wake up? Or go to bed? Will she take you from me? I am absolutely devastated just imagining it.

I don't know if you truly know your feelings. I know mine: I want to be with you with every beating of my heart. I want us to last. I wish I could look into your mind and see where you stand.

I am starting to freak out about us. I don't want to live without you. But I don't want to be unwanted and trapped again. I am putting my guard back up. I can't live so exposed.

lonely, jealous & insecure

i know you think you love me,
and on some level, i'm sure you do.
but it doesn't burn you up inside,
not like how i love you.

when i see how you don't need me,
while i've yet to catch my breath,
i can feel my heartbeat fading,
as it sinks lower in my chest.

and then i think about her.
and my vision clouds with doubt.
maybe one day you'll get lonely,
and i won't be around.

what if while i was missing you,
thinking you didn't have the time,
you were busy texting her,
and she was stealing what was mine?

i refuse to live in loneliness.
not again, not like before.
i'm tired of being jealous,
sick of feeling insecure.

because, whether you're gone a minute,
or an hour,
or a day,
i miss you every second,
and just wished you felt that way.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Not even sad

All that time
And I was blind
Gone without a trace
Another mistake

Friday, March 6, 2015

12 3 6

I'm back to midnight nightmares
And needles set at three
Waking up not knowing
What's happening to me

Each blink I see their faces
Hear their voices, see their lights
Coming to my rescue
In the middle of the night

I'm back to that uncertainty
That torturous unknowing
If today will be the day
That I'll finally be going

And so I'll lie there
Wide awake
My breathing ever slow
Waiting for the moment when
I fall asleep and then go low

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Goodbye Hilary Duff

Back to basics

You and I

Your touch says wherever and your eyes say forever


I don't think we'll last a week
Passed your gone away
Your love's one sided, were divided
I'm afraid to say

When something isn't right with you
We listen and advise
But when I need a tender look
You avert your eyes

Monday, March 2, 2015


being able to say exactly what i'm thinking without having to censor myself or make it sound prettier because i know you won't judge me is the most freeing feeling in the world. 

i've never been so honest before and i love it.


the thought of us ever being apart is devastating

Thursday, February 26, 2015

when i look into my future
i see missed chances and unfulfilled dreams
one-sided friendships and heartbreaking regrets
everything that once seemed promising
now seems bleak

back here again

i don't want to be here
i want to crawl into a warm hole and just cease to exist
i'm tired of bullshit
i'm tired of not knowing if they love me or hate me
i'm tired of not being good enough for anyone
i don't want to finish school and be alone
no job, no friends
stranded here with nothing
i'm scared and i've never felt so alone
i want it to end
i want to end

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

the real deal.

it's scary just how real this seems
how it's not just in my head
how i might just be believing
everything that you've said.

this might just be the real deal
the kind i dreamt about before


i've never felt so crazy;
felt so open, felt so free.
i've never wanted someone,
to unravel all of me.

sometimes you stop and look at me,
searching for it on my face.
your heart is beating wildly,
and mine has matched its pace.

i know we haven't said it,
but i can see it in your stare.
i can feel it suffocating me,
whenever you're not here.

no, it hasn't passed your lips yet,
but i can see it in your brain.
every time you say "it's nothing",
i know it's on your tongue again.


you're everything i'm looking for,
and i'm terrified that you'll cheat on me.

please don't.

the thought of it makes me sick.

the thought of you with someone else kills me.

the thought of walking in on it is tearing me up.

please, please, please,
i'm begging you, please,
don't cheat on me.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

i'm being immature.

every time i say i'm leaving
i see it in your eyes
considering if this is worth it
when it'll just end in goodbye

i see the hurt flash on your face
and your voice so slightly crack
when i talk of far and distant lands;
of never coming back

i'm guarding the distance between us
keeping my feelings at bay
because my heart cannot be broken
if i'm the one that's gone away

maybe i just keep pushing you
to see if you will stay.

Monday, January 12, 2015

i want what you've got

you complain about your body
'bout your stomach and your thighs
and all i think while your complaining
is haven't you seen mine?

future plans

i've always dreamed about the day
it'd all fall into place
i'd get some golden opportunity
and move so far away

i'd see myself in mountains
or in deserts or on seas
no matter where i saw myself
i was finally free

but the time is finally coming
when i can actually just go
and it's getting pretty scary
when every door stays closed

for all of my planning
my networking, my work
it's all fruitless ambition
if no one trusts my worth

i wonder where you'll find me
just a couple months from now
i hope it's somewhere wonderful
and not just broken down

Sunday, January 11, 2015

what are you doing with me

i don't have my life together
i'm too dumb and a little fat
there's no way i'm good enough
for somebody like that

i don't get why he's doing this
why he's making me feel loved
can't he see he'll waste his time with me
there's no doubt i'll fuck this up


i want it to come back
i don't know why it's gotten better
i miss the feeling