Wednesday, November 23, 2011

the sun is shining

put on some makeup and be thankful for the chance to learn


that was the most painful insertion in a long time. i feel like my body is being ripped apart. it won't go away...

how do i feel today?

i need to sort out my mind right now.

i feel ugly. disgusting. embaressed to see other people.

i feel stressed. stupid. i see everyone catching on while i struggle to catch up.

i feel like comprehension is impossible; that everything before this was a stroke of luck.

i feel my mind racing before i go out, incase i see him and have to relive it all.

i'm trying to keep my mind on lockdown.

i feel like i'm more self conscious these past two weeks than i've ever been in my life.

i feel tired, worn down. i feel sad.

i feel sick of my blood sugars. i feel like i'm letting myself down every time i go high, but i can't help it.

i don't know what to do.

i feel like at this point, i'm going to get complications sooner than later.

and i am absolutley terrified.

i just want it to stop.

i feel i am being drained of everything i once was proud of.

with each dosage, i feel more and more helpless.

i feel helpless


Monday, November 14, 2011

self awareness

everythings coming so fast
and everyones walking on by
and im standing at the edge of the world
take a breath,

take a moment
feel alive
then drown in words
that dont mean anything
but atleast say something

passion for life
the biggest lie
its not about living
but about staying alive

light, saving light
illuminating the dark corners of my smile
but darkness hides
and i want to keep my flaws
to the confines of my mind

every word is a disguise
every thought is a wall
every breath brings me closer
to losing it all

Thursday, November 10, 2011

i just want you

i just want you to love me
tell me i'll be fine
and i need you more than ever before

please come find me
please find me

it's october
and getting colder
and i'm lonely

i just want you to know when you see my face

come find me

i'll stay here
i won't leave
not this time.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

the hardest art

to see my flaws
to approach everything with clarity and calmness
to comfortably be in the confines of my mind always
to master myself

wisdom this i must aspire