Please, PLEASE be as dedicated to making this work as I am.
I know you love me. I know you do. But not on the same level that I love you. You love me for selfish reasons, for the things I do for you or make you feel. I love you for reasons that would still exist no matter what our relationship is. My love wouldn't stop if you stopped loving me back. I know yours would.
I am terrified of you forgetting that you love me this summer.
I will be gone a lot. I don't know if you have thought about what that really means. I will be a name in your phone inbox a majority of the time. Is your love strong enough to put a hundred memories behind my name? To remember why you love me? Will you get lonely and start talking to Morgan more? Will she become who you text when you're bored? And then who you text when you wake up? Or go to bed? Will she take you from me? I am absolutely devastated just imagining it.
I don't know if you truly know your feelings. I know mine: I want to be with you with every beating of my heart. I want us to last. I wish I could look into your mind and see where you stand.
I am starting to freak out about us. I don't want to live without you. But I don't want to be unwanted and trapped again. I am putting my guard back up. I can't live so exposed.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
lonely, jealous & insecure
i know you think you love me,
and on some level, i'm sure you do.
but it doesn't burn you up inside,
not like how i love you.
when i see how you don't need me,
while i've yet to catch my breath,
i can feel my heartbeat fading,
as it sinks lower in my chest.
and then i think about her.
and my vision clouds with doubt.
maybe one day you'll get lonely,
and i won't be around.
what if while i was missing you,
thinking you didn't have the time,
you were busy texting her,
and she was stealing what was mine?
i refuse to live in loneliness.
not again, not like before.
i'm tired of being jealous,
sick of feeling insecure.
because, whether you're gone a minute,
or an hour,
or a day,
i miss you every second,
and just wished you felt that way.
and on some level, i'm sure you do.
but it doesn't burn you up inside,
not like how i love you.
when i see how you don't need me,
while i've yet to catch my breath,
i can feel my heartbeat fading,
as it sinks lower in my chest.
and then i think about her.
and my vision clouds with doubt.
maybe one day you'll get lonely,
and i won't be around.
what if while i was missing you,
thinking you didn't have the time,
you were busy texting her,
and she was stealing what was mine?
i refuse to live in loneliness.
not again, not like before.
i'm tired of being jealous,
sick of feeling insecure.
because, whether you're gone a minute,
or an hour,
or a day,
i miss you every second,
and just wished you felt that way.
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