still hurt

i thought that i let it all out yesterday
that i felt better today
that i was able to put it aside on focus on us

but seeing you now just filled my heart up with sadness
i know it's only one weekend
that i'll survive and i'll be fine
but i can't help but feel this overwhelming loneliness
i'm still too fragile to go out with friends
and i don't want to hang out with them anyways
i want to hang out with you
the one person who i desperately miss all day long

i don't want to spend my days trying to distract myself while i wait for you to come home
i just want you
i want you to be so intensely grateful that i'm ok
that you want to spend every second you can with me while i start feeling better
i wish you felt more possessive
more protective
after almost losing me
i wish you didn't want to let me out of your sight
i wish you were as worried about me as i would be about you
i wish you understood how badly i need to feel safe right now
how badly i need you to tell me that you don't know what you would do if you lost me

maybe i'm being self-centered
or over-sensitive
i don't know
i just can't suppress this feeling
that maybe you wouldn't be that heart broken after all

i know you have been very helpful
bringing me water and helping me sit up and doing anything that i have trouble with
but emotionally
you seem completely fine
why didn't this shake you up?
why didn't this scare you?
i feel terrified
why didn't you cry?
why didn't you grab me and rock me back and forth and thank god i was alive?
why didn't you smother me in your love and say that you could never let me go?
why are you leaving me now?
can't you see that i'm still in pain?
that i'm faking being better than i am?
can't you see that i'm fragile?
that i need you now?

i don't want to miss you now.
i don't want to go to bed without you.
i want you here with me, stroking my hair, telling me i'm ok.