falling apart

i wish you could read this and understand what you've done to me.
maybe something in you would change
maybe something would snap
maybe the floodgates would open and you'd finally feel everything you've been hiding away
you don't have to do this because of your dad
this doesn't have to be you
this isn't you!
that guy who would stay up all night with me as i rambled about my fears is NOT this guy
that guy is inside of you
you aren't destined to hurt people
why can't you see that i see that?!
why can't you!!!
you think you're supposed to be doing this, that it'll just happen because Fuck You right?!
NO
NO THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAS TO BE.
I WISH YOU COULD JUST SEE THAT
i am weak and flawed and selfish and stupid, but i get you more than anyone
and i get why this happened
and i get why you are trying to act like you don't care
i get it.
i want you to come home and let me hold you and tell you that i get it
i want you to cry into my shoulder.
i want you to read these posts and see that i'm falling apart and i need you to need me.
i have literally been falling to the ground because my legs cannot support the weight of my sadness.

i love you and i wish you appreciated how hard you make it for me.
i wish you let yourself give a single shit about me.